The Art of Kite Flying
By Andy Croy
Director / Youth Pastor
Fire Escape Youth Ministries
A few weeks ago I decided that my son Noah and I would go flying
a kite. It was a Thursday, somewhat warm, light jacket weather, we were on our way to Wal-Mart to buy a kite. Noah is just under three years old so the concept of flying a kite was kind of foreign to him, until he saw the Buzz Light Year on the front of the $1.00 Wal-Mart kite, complete with string and handle. He was excited although his curiosity was only somewhat satisfied.
We went to the church unpackaged to kite, put it together, and took it out side to throw it up into a decently stiff breeze and watched Buzz Light Year sail off, farther and farther from the ground below.
The wind blew hard enough several times to make the kite dive and swirl and pull on the string so hard you think it would break. The excitement of flying a kite is watching the kite go higher and higher as you let out more and more string. The more string you let loose the more you tend to doubt its strength. The control of the kite becomes less predictable as it gets higher and higher off of the ground. It is harder to steer away from obstacles when the wind gusts.
It is the nature of the kite to just keep pulling and pulling. It wants more and more string. The thing it does not understand is in order to keep flying, the kite is dependent on the string. If the string were to break, the beautiful ballet would be over. The kite would blow around aimlessly doing silly cart wheels all of the way to the ground. The string ties the kite to me and me to the kite. I have to trust the string; the kite has to have the string. The string helps me keep the kite flying and to let the kite fly I have to give it the right amount of string. Noah and I stood there as Buzz Light Year looked down at us both. It was a lot of fun. I felt like a kid again.
In studying for our recent youth discussion on parents, I am reminded of that day. It was a day that I will never forget, spending time with my son. Noah may not remember it, but I will. It was a good day.
There are similarities to flying a kite and the parent-child relationship. It is not a simple as flying a kite but there are some good comparisons.
As a parent I want my son to succeed and I would guess most parents feel like me and want their children to get off the ground. (And one day hopefully out of the house!) I want to see my child grow and soar to greater heights. One prayer that I have always had for Noah is that he would serve God with more dedication and tenacity than I ever did. But for that to happen I need to learn to let out more string and let “The Wind” carry my son as I provide the anchor. I am the anchor. It is the God given responsibility as a parent.
The string.
The string represents the ties connecting parent and child. There are many fibers that make up the string. The stronger those are fibers the stronger the string will be. The strength of the string determines the ability of the kite to fly with confidence. Here are some practical suggestions I am learning to help strengthen to fibers of the child parent relationship.
Communication is a fiber that makes up the string.
Communication should F.L.O.A.T
Frequent.
Conversations between the parent and teen should take place regularly. The more it happens, the easier it will be. Create places of regular conversation. Eat dinner together, with the TV off, then take a drive to get desert. Look for opportunities of places and activities that encourage face time with each other.
Loving.
In the road of relationships we often come to the crossroads of conflict. The parent teen relationship is no different. If you have ever seen the movie National Lampoons European Vacation, than you know what I am talking about when I say that as children become adolescents many times the relationship road becomes one big round a bout. In those times of conflict make it a point that you talk to your child with a loving respect. Don’t belittle your children with words. The whole “sticks and stones” thing is especially not true in the parent child relationship. When you speak lovingly, even in conflict, your child will learn your example and hopefully return the favor.
Teens, this goes for you as well. Your parents deserve your respect in every area of your life. Speak to them with respect. Not just because they deserve it, but because your words hurt too.
§ Read Proverbs 15:1-2, and James 3:3-12 GO DO IT NOW!
Open.
Both parent and child need to be approachable in conversation. A child needs to feel comfortable in talking to mom and dad about anything. (sex, especially sex) At the same time teens don’t clam up or avoid parents when they need to talk to you about a difficult subject. You guys can be very intimidating to approach!
Authentic.
Honesty is the key here. If you avoid true feelings then the conversation suffers from going deeper than, “How was your day?” “Oh, it was fine.” When we are honest with how we are feeling it many times can lead to confrontation. Learn to work through confrontation with as little conflict as possible. Don’t let your conversation escalate to the point that door slamming arguments. Set ground rules for working through conflict constructively.
Two Way.
What I mean by Two Way is that someone talks while the other listens. Listening is a huge part of communicating. Parents need to remember that teens mostly communicate with emotions. Usually teens are limited in rational thought because of lack of experiences and hormone overload. However, a teen’s thought process should not be disregarded because the feelings they feel are very real and determine many of their actions. Listen to how your teen expresses their feelings and more than likely you will understand what they are saying.
Teens need to understand that mom and dad are not complete idiots. Believe it or not mom and dad have been there and done that. Parents have wisdom based on living through more experiences. They have navigated the road you are currently traveling down at the speed of sound. Save yourself some heartache, and carefully consider the wisdom of someone who cares for you and wants to see you make it.
Time is another fiber in the string
§ We take time for things that really matter to us, don’t we? The parent-child relationship is one of the most important we will share in. Teens often say they wish their parents would spend more time with them. At the same time teens are more active than ever and run from activity to activity. (Makes you wonder where they learn that behavior doesn’t it? hmmm?) Good relationships take the investment of time.
§ Try setting aside family days. Put them on the calendar, and schedule around them. Maybe the teens will have to miss a practice or two. Maybe mom or dad will have to miss working late or a meeting.
§ Make everyday tasks and activities family time. Go grocery shopping together. Break up the grocery list and make it a mission to see how fast you can get in and out of the grocery store. Do household chores or yard work together. Cook a meal as a family. These are things that have to be done anyway. They will be more enjoyable if you make them an opportunity to spend time with each other.
§ Above all viciously protect your family time together!
Fun is another fiber in the string
§ Parents and teens need to connect with each other with activities that each one enjoys. Dad take the kids with you to the driving range, if you are brave you might want to try nine holes of a par 3. Hiking is a great inexpensive way to spend time together in the playground God created for all of us. Mom might take the kids to a coffee shop or day spa. Invest in a Nintendo Wii® a game system that incorporates games that include the whole family and promote some physical activity. Speaking of video games.
§ Teens maybe you would let mom and dad learn to play a video game or go to a movie with them. Pick a board game you like to play. Design a family MySpace page.
§ Whatever you do try to include each other in the activities you enjoy.
Love is another fiber in the string
§ Everyone expresses love differently. Parents as your children grow older you will be able to pick up on how your child communicates receives love and affection. (Read a book called” The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman) Healthy expressions of love and affection from mom and dad are vital. These expressions of love will determine how your teen will give and receive love as they develop relationships with the opposite sex. Hug your teen, write you teen notes, re-affirm them and tell them often that you enjoy being their parent. Let them know that you care for them and you are proud of them. Even in times when they may not have been living up to your expectations. These may be times that hearing you say these things may help them straighten out a spell of bad decision making.
§ Teens don’t be afraid to tell mom and dad that they are good parents, even when in your eyes they are doing a lousy job. Being a parent is hard, period. They need to be re-affirmed that you love them as well. Mom and dad worry about whether or not they are scarring you for life in the way they are raising you. It would be nice for them to hear from you that you love them and need them around, even if they do embarrass you in front of your friends when they say things like, ‘bling’ and ‘chill.’
§ There is only one other person who loves your child more than their earthy parents. God created them using you as a vehicle. As I said earlier parents have been given the responsibility to be the anchor for their children. The most valuable thing you can do for your child is to “Love God with all your heart, soul, and mind.” God has extended His parenthood to us in His son Jesus, and calls us to take advantage of Him through His grace. In essence you are a flying kite as well, in the hand of the “Perfect Anchor.” Why would you choose to be tied to anything else?
I used to be under the delusion that teens are just like I was when I was their age. In reading a book called “Hurt” by Chap Clark, I discovered the untruth of this idea. The overall feeling of this generation of teens is that they have been abandoned by the adults who are supposed to be caring for and nurturing them. Why they feel this way I am not sure. Maybe too many adults have taken the string of the kite, tied it a tree trunk as an anchor, and walked off. Maybe too many adults have handed the reel of string to someone else such as grandparent or teacher or coach or even worse a youth pastor. What would happen to a kite that was flown that way? As a defense to this phenomenon, teens have created a subculture of tribes and clans. In these trbes they learn to figue out life. They have their own language, their codes of conduct, even their own legal system.
I remember the first time I went to eat lunch at the high school with some of the teens from my group. It was like being a missionary to a superstitious cannibal clan. If I didn’t smell, look, or talk the way I supposed to, I just knew my fate was going to be the rotisserie over a large fire. Teens need us to intervene, to lovingly get into their business, wrap our arms around them and let them know they are not alone.
I have one word of advice to the teens that I would mostly be writing to at this point in my life, my High School kids. Don’t be so anxious to break away from parents that love you. First off they are a gift, not all of your peers have them. Secondly think about what happens to a kite when no one is holding the other end of the string…
